Was approached by a gf to do an article about my breastfeeding journey..Here it is (before its edited!)
My Breastfeeding Journey – 2 years + 3 months and counting
People always say that each kid you have, will be different. Different in their personalities, likes and dislikes and even in their speed of development. I, as a mother to a very active 3 year old toddler, Justin, was prepared for the differences and in fact, looked forward to them in my new baby. But never would I have though that such differences in preferences extended to even how they would be breastfed!
For Justin, breastfeeding was a breeze. Even though I was a first time mummy and certain new to the whole breastfeeding business, I was very lucky because Justin was a champion nurser. Right from the first time he nursed in the delivery suite, he seem to know what he wanted and how he could get it J People would be amazed to hear that he would just need 10 minutes on each breast and he would be all done. With him, there was none of the sore nipples agony or back breaking “exercise” to get him to latch on. My husband, Waising, use to say that Justin was like a “pop and go”, always ready for milk 24 by 7! And Justin thrived on what I was able to give him, the full breast milk diet helped him grown to a heafy 10kgs by 6 months! He was such a good nurser that he rejected the bottle completely – which wasn’t too much of a problem for me as I was a stay home mum for a good period during his first year. Because it was so easy for the both of us, I breastfed him exclusively for 1 year and then continued to night feed him for another 1 year. Only then, 2 years into our breastfeeding journey, in order to conceive another child, did I wean him off. I say “I” weaned because I missed the closeness of the breastfeeding bond and in a way, wanted to continue as long as I could.
So, after having such a positive experience of nursing a child, I never thought twice about how it would be to nurse my new baby, Jason. Certainly he would be breastfed and theoretically, I should be better at nursing him.
But Jason, proved to be the challenge for me. Right from the start, he was a very slow nurser and didn’t seem to latch on well. On the times when the latch was right, he was disinterested in nursing and it took me hours just to feed him, wake him up, feed him again, burp, change diaper and feed some more. Throughout this process, he would get so agitated that he would scream the house down and then flatly refuse to open his mouth. My back was breaking from the marathon sessions and I was in so much pain from bleeding nipples. Surely after 2 years of nursing his brother, I would have coped better right? But baby Jason kept on the crying and the long long nursing sessions continued. I remember weeping and lamenting to my husband, “why doesn’t he just take the milk?” The only thing that kept me going was that I knew I had milk and I knew it was important for him. When Justin was just 2 months old, he caught a bad flu bug that escalated to pneumonia. It was thanks to the breast milk that allowed him to make a quick recovery and not to mention, the ability to nurse on the go for comfort that help me and him cope with the stress of hospitalization, injections and drips. I was determined to give Jason, my new baby, the same.
At 10 days old, Jason was hospitalized for jaundice. It was then that I realized he wasn’t taking in enough as his weight had dropped more than 10% below his birth weight. It wasn’t the milk supply, just that he didn’t take in enough. Desperate to feed him and also to keep him under the photo light treatment which was necessary to get him well, I started pumping milk for my baby.
Most breastfeeding mummies would know that a pump is hardly the same as a baby. It was disheartening to see so little milk during each pump, when the stress of seeing your child in hospital is coupled with the stress of counting the number of ml of milk you can pump out. It was a vicious cycle of stress than drove me insane. I wanted to give my baby breast milk and yet was so torn wanting to latch him and worried over the amount that I could produce, plus spending time with my needy toddler who was at home.
Thankfully, it was the support of Waising that helped me pull through that difficult period. He told me “what matters the most is that our baby gets better and grows well” - it is still breast milk, whether you latch the child or pump out and bottle feed.
To produce more milk supply, I turned to internet sites and forums and “pumping” mummies that I knew. I started to learn more about mothers who exclusively pump, or “ep” for short. With their help and all the new found knowledge, I pumped milk while gazing at my new born, every 2 hours for 20 minutes each time. I also took herbal supplements like frenugreek and Mothers nursing teas. And most importantly, I made sure I had enough to drink and rest. Husband and my domestic helper chipped in to help with the bottle feeding, whilst I concentrated on being in love with my “pump” which was difficult in the beginning.
To me, pumping is harder than nursing. Because I had to pump so frequently in order to build up my supply, it meant time away from the baby. And I miss the bonding of nursing so much. But in spite of numerous sessions with lactation consultants, Jason could not nurse well and so pumping continued. The consultants told me that he is a slow nurser and was choking on the fast milk flow that I was producing and that he might eventually grow to cope with it.
People ask me if Jason is breastfed and sometimes I would get torn in the reply, “yes he is, but I pump exclusively for him”. To this day, I still feel that its not the best arrangement, but its as good as it gets. Baby Jason is growing very well and is a happy baby – much better compared to his earlier days when both him and I will get so frustrated over nursing that he be wailing and I sobbing.
Now I am a proud owner of an extra freezer, which I store all the breast milk that I pump for him J I am glad to say that I have more than enough for baby Jason and even had donated some milk for babies who needed it. I never thought that I would have produced more that my baby needs, but its great that someone else gets the benefits of breast milk too!
And so they say, every child is different. My two boys have certainly shown me how! I hope to be able to latch on Jason on day. My journey with him is now 3 months long and I hope will continue for a long time.
